im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
