Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
