My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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