I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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