Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
