You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
