she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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