So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
