remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
do nipples grow back?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
