stop calling my apartment porn island.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
