Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
