Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
