Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
