i don't like sucking hair
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
