I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
