you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
