anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
