oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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