my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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