4 words: hood of his car
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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