I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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