you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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