Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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