If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
