Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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