I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
