Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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