i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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