You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
