Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
