this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
