as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
