Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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