If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
God, I missed his penis.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
