Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
