You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
