mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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