she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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