I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
