Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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