I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
