I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
