I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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