oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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