Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
