He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
