it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
