I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
