I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
