make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
