Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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