And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
