were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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